When we get into a relationship, we always thought that he or she is the perfect one for me and nobody else. We make mistakes that we didn’t know we’re making, and more often than not, when you’ve realized what you did, it’s already too late.
To help you along, we have come up with this list of 10 common relationship mistakes that you didn’t know you’re making.
Prioritizing the other half too much
Yes, it’s true that when you get into a relationship with your partner, you should prioritize your partner over others, but not too much. If you prioritize him or her too much, this creates a stress for them to reciprocate, and the relationship will end up in a very unhappy place.
Meeting too often
One common mistakes couples usually make is to meet too much, either because they prioritize each other too much (refer to #1) or they are meeting so often that they’ll feel uncomfortable without being near each other. As time goes by, you’d realize that there’s lesser and lesser things to talk about, and you’d start to have the misconception that the other party is getting sick and tired of this relationship.
Focusing on what should be the perfect relationship
Despite what you think, guys and girls still have that notion of a perfect relationship, and when their expectations are not met, they grow unhappy and angry instead of trying to understand why the relationship isn’t as ideal as they envisage it to be. The answer is pretty simple: there’s no perfect relationship in the world. If you can’t learn to accept that all relationships are going to have good and bad parts, you’d be unhappy in every relationship you’re into; and that leads us to #4.
Comparing your partner to others
Everyone has their strengths and flaws, and if you’re always comparing your partner to others, chances are he or she will become insecure in the relationship (leading to clinginess and possessiveness) or your partner’s just going to leave you because if you’re really that unhappy being with me, then I’ll grant you your wish and leave. It happens, trust us.
Always focusing on what’s wrong
When you get comfortable in a relationship, whatever you used to appreciate becomes an entitlement. That means, the only stuff you’re going to get worked up about would be the bad stuff, when you felt your partner has done you injustice. Focusing, or reacting only to what went wrong is going to bring about a very negative atmosphere in the relationship, which leads to plenty of quarrels and unhappiness. Try complimenting your partner once in a while for what he or she did right instead of scolding and throwing a tantrum for what they did wrong.
You expect too much from your partner
This is a point that is pretty much related to #5, where you start to take privileges for entitlements. You start to appreciate lesser, and expect more from your partner. You’d have created a stress for your partner, and sooner or later, your partner will just throw in the towel and say, I’m done.
You always want to be right
Being in a relationship is always about give-and-take, and you don’t always have to be right. We all understand that, but to say is one thing, to do is so much harder. We all have our pride, and we’re brought up to be extremely competitive (Singapore is a meritocracy, so we have to step on people to rise up, remember?) but if you keep on having a score card where you mark your victories against your partner, you’ll part soon enough.
Expecting nothing to change
This is probably one of the main reasons why couples split up – expecting nothing to change. You’d expect your partner to be that loving forever, to be that impressive person who made you fall head over heels for and all that. When things change, you’d accuse your partner of changing, becoming someone you could hardly recognize, etc.
News flash, everybody changes, be it you or your partner. Whether you and your partner can stay together will depend on whether both of you can accept the changes each other has gone through.
Failure to get to the root cause of problems
You can talk to each other all day long, but if both of you refuse or do not have the courage to deal with the cause of the problems instead of simply the symptoms, these problems are going to come back, bigger than ever.
For example, you vent your anger at your partner, and both of you quarreled. If you’re not ready to apologize for your act and explain exactly what happened, and instead just apologize sincerely and give your partner a makeup gift, chances are he or she will forgive you, but never forget and resolve what you did. They’ll do the exact same thing the next time, and justify by saying you did it to them before; and the cycle goes on.
Getting too comfortable
Isn’t it best to have a comfortable relationship with each other? That’s true, it’s important to be comfortable, but if you get too comfortable, you get complacent. There’s a saying that goes, “It’s easy to fall in love, but it’s harder to stay in love” which we agree with totally.
Effort is needed on both parties in order to maintain a relationship, and if no effort is placed into it, it’ll become stale and boring, and that is when most couples go, oh, he’s not the right one for me; and they split up, what a waste.
So, here’s 10 common mistakes couples might have made. Have you made any of them? If you do, it’s high time you do something about it.